How to decide who's worth listening to
Read time: 6 minutes
Some months ago, I received some criticism about a decision I’d made — and it rattled me.
The comment wasn't very constructive, nor was it from a place of real understanding. But it stayed with me longer than I’d like to admit.
It wasn't the criticism itself that surprised me, it was how much headspace I let it to take up.
It got me thinking about why certain opinions affect us so deeply, and how easy it is to give the wrong voices far too much weight.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
1. Not all feedback comes from a place of understanding
Some people criticise from experience. Others from a distance.
They don’t see the trade-offs you’re making or carry the responsibility of the outcome. And they’re not the ones who have to live with the consequences either way.
That doesn’t make them bad people. But it does mean their opinion deserves less weight.
Before internalising feedback, it’s worth asking whether it’s informed and relevant.
2. Criticism hurts most when it touches an insecurity
I'll be honest: the reason that comment bothered me was because it related to a doubt I already had. Something I was still trying to figure out myself.
I’ve noticed that criticism grates when it echoes something we haven't quite resolved inside us. That’s why two people can say the same thing, and only one of them gets under your skin.
Noticing that really helps you respond with more perspective.
3. Visibility invites opinion, whether you ask for it or not
The more visible you are, the more opinions you attract. It’s part of the deal.
If you share content, build a brand, take on investors, or put your work out into the world, people will comment.
Some will be thoughtful. Others will project their own fears and frustrations onto what you’re doing. None of that means you’re doing something wrong.
Learning to tolerate other people's opinions is a skill we should all work on (as I often tell my kids!).
4. Asking fewer people for input is often healthier
One mistake I’ve made in the past is asking too many people for their thoughts.
It creates confusion, slows decisions, and brings doubt. Especially when the people you’re asking don’t share your values or long-term goals.
Being selective about who you invite into your decision-making process is important. Not everyone needs a voice on everything you're doing.
5. A simple filter changes everything
I’ve started using a few questions to decide whether criticism is worth engaging with:
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Would I go to this person for advice?
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Do they understand the full context of what I’m doing?
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Are they speaking from experience, or just giving an opinion?
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Would I actually trade places with them?
If the answer is no, it’s usually just noise. That doesn’t take away the discomfort, but it does give you back a sense of control.
6. You don’t owe everyone an explanation
This one took me a while to learn.
You don’t need to justify your choices to people who aren’t invested in the outcome. Constantly explaining yourself is draining, and rarely changes people’s minds.
Sometimes the best response is no response at all. And letting some time pass often helps you see things more clearly than reacting in the moment.
7. Building a brand means building discernment
If you’re building a personal brand, writing content, or sharing your thinking publicly, this becomes even more important.
Visibility can make you feel exposed and opens you up to judgement. And if you’re not careful, other people's opinions can throw you off course.
Learning which voices to listen to, and which to let pass, is part of the process. It’s not about being closed off, it’s about being selective.
The takeaway
Not all criticism is worth listening to. Some of it is useful. Some of it is well-intentioned. And some of it is just noise.
The skill isn’t ignoring feedback altogether. It’s learning how to be discerning and filter it appropriately.
Speak soon,
Dupé
PS: If you’d like deeper support in showing up confidently and growing your personal brand, reply to this email to explore 1:1 coaching or ready to post content. And if you' like to book me to speak make an enquiry here
