6 tools to quiet fear and finally start showing up
Read time: 6 minutes
Over the past few weeks, I’ve received so many messages asking the same core question: How do I get over the fear of being seen?
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Showing up fully
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Putting yourself out there
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Being judged by friends and colleagues
The more I read, the more it tells me that the biggest barrier to success is rarely skill or strategy. Usually it’s our own self-doubt.
I should know. There was a time when the idea of posting online made me feel queasy, especially as an introvert. I would write, rewrite, delete, and second guess myself constantly. I’d picture old colleagues or school friends reading my content and cringing.
What I now know is that most people are far too consumed with their own lives to analyse mine. Psychologists call it the spotlight effect: we believe people are watching us when really, they have more important concerns, or are actually silently cheering us on.
And it’s not just about posting online. The same goes for speaking confidently in interviews or going for new opportunities. Often the biggest barriers are our own limiting beliefs.
So how do you move past the fear and self-doubt? These six practical shifts helped me, and I hope they’ll help you too.
1. Act before you're ready
When I launched this newsletter I didn’t feel “ready.” I was tweaking the name, second-guessing the structure and cadence, and wondering if people would sign up. But I set a date, announced it, then had no choice but to follow through. I didn’t have it all figured out (still don’t), but I moved anyway.
Tip: The confidence part doesn’t come before the action. It comes from taking the action. Choose one thing that scares you, set a deadline, then commit, ready or not.
2. Let go of the "what will they think?!" mindset
A friend of mine kept stalling on launching her podcast. When I asked why, it wasn’t the fear of failure, it was the idea that her ex-colleagues might hear it and judge her. I asked her, “Are these people living your dream life?” She answered no—then launched a few weeks later.
Tip: When you're worried about someone else's opinion, ask: Is this someone who I aspire to? If not, you probably shouldn’t be bothered about their opinion. Focus on the people you’re trying to help, not the ones who may (or may not!) be watching from the sidelines.
3. Find a safe space to practice first
Whatever the situation—hosting a workshop, posting on LinkedIn, going for an interview—there are so many ways to get some practice in a supportive space first. It could be a coach or mentor, private community, or even recording a voice note to a friend. I’ve always found this gives me some feedback, validation, and a bit of courage to take the next step.
Tip: Build the muscle somewhere where feedback feels safe, then expand from there.
4. Reframe visibility as “service”
It’s easy to think of “showing up” as self-indulgence or self-promotion. Over time, I’ve realised that sharing my story, insights and offers helps others. I often get messages telling me a post I wrote changed their mindset or gave them the push they needed. Same with career moves and interviews: it’s about bringing the best to that business.
Tip: Ask yourself: Who am I trying to help today? It shifts the lens and connects you with your original purpose.
5. Reframe confidence as a skill, rather than a personality trait
I think most people consider confidence something you’re either born with or not. We look at people and think they’re just naturally like that. When you scratch beneath the surface you realise they’re just well practiced. They’ve learnt how to speak with intention, prepare for big moments, and recover from setbacks—which means anyone can learn it too.
Tip: Treat confidence like a skill, meaning practice it deliberately and build it up through reps, just like a muscle.
6. Detach self-worth from performance
Recently a friend said to me, “If I don’t get the job, I’m obviously not good enough.” That hit me because there’s a time I would definitely have believed that too. But having fielded many (many!) rejections now, I know that it doesn’t define you or erase your ability. You can fail at something and still be worthy and valuable.
Tip: When you stop linking your self-worth to outcomes, you show up more fully, take more risks, and recover faster from setbacks.
So—if you’ve been waiting for confidence to appear before you act, consider this your sign to act first. Do the thing despite the fear. You’re more ready than you think! What’s one small thing you can act on this week?
Hope that helps!
Speak soon,
Dupé
PS: Whenever you're ready, feel free to enquire about working together: Get guidance on how to be more visible and grow your brand. Whether you need 1:1 coaching or ready-to-post content, hit reply and let’s chat!
