We’re chasing the wrong version of success

Why achievement isn’t the same as alignment

Read time: 6 minutes

I had coffee with a friend recently when she asked me a question that stumped me for a moment:

“What does 'success' look like to you?”

Such a simple question on the surface, but one I hadn’t asked myself for a while.

We talk about “success” all the time. We chase it, plan for it, sometimes work ourselves into the ground for it.

But people rarely stop to figure out what it is they’re actually aiming for.

For so long, society has sold us a very specific version of success:

A fancy title.
A bigger salary.
Long hours at work.
Fame and recognition.
The luxury or designer lifestyle.
Always striving for more and more.

Whilst none of those things are “bad”, so many people reach that point and still feel unfulfilled.

What I’ve learned is that this isn’t the version that makes us feel most alive. For me, success looks like:

Having autonomy.
Doing work I enjoy.
Being present for my kids.
Building things I’m proud of.
Being a kind and decent person.
Having a positive influence on others.
Having energy left at the end of the day.

Yes, money matters, but if your version of success costs you your health, joy, freedom, or relationships, then what is it really all for?

Here are some reflections that have helped me redefine success in a way that feels more honest and workable, for me.

1. Figure out what success feels like, rather than what it looks like

You can have the right title but the wrong lifestyle. The right salary but a lot of stress. Or even the right job but misaligned values.

One of the most important realisations I came to whilst transitioning careers was that success needs to align with me as an individual, not just “look” good.

Try this: Write down what you want your life to feel like: calm, flexible, balanced, energising. Then use those feelings as your compass.

2. Check whether your work aligns with your values

I always think your values are your internal GPS. If your work constantly requires you to go against them or ignore them, you become resentful and unfulfilled.

Reflection: What matters most to you right now (family, impact, autonomy, growth)? And does your current situation align with that?

3. Redefine success as a lifestyle, not a destination

If the route to success drains you, sacrifices everything important to you, or stops you having the energy to actually enjoy your achievements, it really isn’t success.

Success should support your life, not drain you or consume it.

Question: What are the 4–5 non-negotiables your life must include to feel meaningful?

4. Give yourself permission to want something different

This is such an important point: we’re all evolving. And that’s a good thing. You’re allowed to outgrow old versions of yourself and create a new version of success at any point.

You’re also allowed to choose fulfilment over pressure. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit what you really want.

Try this: Write down one truth you’ve been avoiding about your current career or business situation. What would change if you admitted it openly?

The takeaway

So many people spend years chasing a version of success they inherited. Only to realise one day that they’ve built a life that looks impressive, but doesn’t feel like theirs.

Real success isn’t just achievement. It’s time, presence, autonomy, and so much more.

The goal isn’t to abandon ambition. It’s to make sure the life you’re building is one you actually want to live.

Speak soon,

Dupé