Here’s how to define it on your own terms
Read time: 4 minutes
Last week, I was catching up with an old friend over coffee when they asked me something that stopped me mid-sentence: “Dupé, how do you define success for yourself these days?”
Such a simple question, but one that really made me pause.
We throw the word “success” around so often, yet rarely stop to ask what it actually means to us personally.
For far too long, society’s definition has, I think, been pretty narrow. We’ve been conditioned to see success as:
- Lots of money
- An impressive title
- Long hours in the office
- A fast car or designer lifestyle
- Admiration from strangers online
For me though, success has never really fitted neatly into that box. My version looks quite different:
→ Being a kind, decent person
→ Making the most of my abilities
→ Building things I can be proud of
→ Doing work that I genuinely enjoy
→ Being present for my children every day
→ Having a positive influence on other people
→ Choosing my own schedule, timing and flexibility
→ Having the freedom to work from anywhere in the world
That, to me, is real success, the version I’m building towards each day.
Of course, money does matter—it provides options and security. And yes, visibility and community matter too—they open doors.
But I’ve come to realise that none of those things feel meaningful unless they sit alongside the other elements.
The only way I’ve been able to carve out my version of success has been by stepping off the traditional career ladder, becoming my own boss, and building something that aligns with me. The old model just didn’t fit:
- Alarm clock and packed trains every day
- Working on projects I didn’t believe in
- Navigating office politics
- Barely any family time
- Endless meetings
- Constant fatigue
Whether in medicine or in the corporate world, the structure was the same. Most people accept it without question, but I couldn’t. It left me without autonomy and without purpose, and that wasn’t enough.
To me, the most fulfilling careers and businesses don’t just bring in money. They bring freedom, they create joy, and they make life feel intentional.
Of course, it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, courage, and sacrifice. But the ultimate aim should be for our work to help us build a life we truly want—not the other way round.
Here are four questions I’ve used in the past to help me reflect on this, and perhaps they’ll help you too:
What are your inputs?
Take an honest look at how you’re investing your time, energy, and focus. Do they match up with the outcomes you value most? If not, something probably needs rebalancing.
What are your personal filters?
Define 3–5 criteria that matter most to you when it comes to success. For example: “I want to spend time with people I respect” or “I want my work to leave a positive mark”. These become your decision-making filters.
Who can you learn from?
Seek out people who’ve taken unconventional paths. Ask them what their version of success is and what compromises they made along the way. You’ll quickly realise there are endless ways to play the game.
Do you have both achievement and alignment?
Reaching milestones is one thing. Reaching the right milestones is another. Every so often, stop and ask: “Is what I’m doing moving me closer to the life I want?” If not, it might be time to pivot.
The real challenge is to stop chasing someone else’s dream. Instead, work out what success looks like on your terms, both in work and in life—and then build it, day by day.
Thank you, as always, for reading along. I’m so grateful for your feedback and support—it keeps me going!
Speak soon,
Dupé
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